The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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