when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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