Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
