No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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