Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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