You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
