I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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