I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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