Dual....:-)
I think my vagina is haunted
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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