she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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