dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
