He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
