get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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