i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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