I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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