I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
