That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
be right there i have to get my cape
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
