you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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