you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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