the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
