It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
