I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
