So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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