I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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