I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize