after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't deserve a penis
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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