Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
