The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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