dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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