My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
