Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
