I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
