My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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