We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
