every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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