he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize