On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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