But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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