If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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