Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
