While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize