no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
