Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
