Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
