You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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