I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
