I smell stomach acid.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
