I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
