Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
