if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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