I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
