I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
