I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
