I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
