i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dear god my vagina.
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