"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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