you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
