What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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