Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
