i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
