I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
