I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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