I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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