so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize