you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
