oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
