i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
