Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
