just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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